A Thread about not getting your phone snatched

A stylish solution

The best way to convince yourself your phone is going to get snatched is to endlessly watch videos about getting your phone snatched. Whilst you’ve all been frolicking on Greek islands in your broken jelly flats from The Row, I’ve spent the summer glued to long, sinister storytime TikToks telling me exactly how my phone will get robbed, and what happens after that (man with a bike will ride past you, grab your unlocked phone from your hand, farm all your data, change the passcode and then send the phone to China to be re-sold). 

The resulting paranoia meant I spent weeks holding my phone with a vice grip every time I used it in public, clutching the thing so tightly in my fist that it created a sticky film of palm sweat on the case. Knuckles white, my eyes darting furtively side to side like Zendaya in that Challengers final. I even disabled Face ID, and reduced the unlock time, which means I’m now punching in my passcode about 23489543 times a day.

After a while, I realised that my phone paranoia was having a detrimental effect on my overall vibe. Turns out a good outfit doesn’t mean sh*t if you behave like a coked up meerkat every time you leave the house.

Something had to be done.

One of the solutions presented in the many videos I watched was a phone lanyard. I had one of these a few years ago - it was a long chain attached to a plastic phone case shaped like a Chanel No.5 perfume bottle (there’s a funny story about interviewing Ryuichi Sakamoto with it in my conversation with Emilia Petrarca). As you can probably tell, this accessory was more about style than security - I doubt my flimsy knockoff would provide much resistance if any thief decided they simply must get their hands on a fragrance-shaped phone.

you used to call me on my smell phone

A few years later, the phone lanyard idea floated into my head once again - I remember scouring Farfetch (RIP) for a chic designer version, finding that the Venn diagram between actually cool and remotely affordable yielded few results. Prada do a nice one, but clocking in at multiple hundreds of pounds, this option was out of the question. I didn’t buy one, and forgot about them altogether for a few more years.

ooft.

Until Phone Snatcher Gate 2024, that is. Suddenly it became imperative that I acquire a phone lanyard as soon as possible, my only defence against this dangerous new world (one that my TikTok algorithm delighted in revealing to me over and over again.)

Moments of panic can bring out the worst in all of us. Like the cowardly dad in Ruben Östlund’s film Force Majeure (yes, that ref is a test), in the heat of the moment, I lost sight of what was important, ordering a generic lanyard case for a tenner off a random dropshipping website. The thing arrived, and I promised myself I’d replace the cheap polyester string with something more fashionable; more ‘me’.

Days turned to weeks, and I began slipping into a state of apathy, one where practicality became a priority and aesthetics took a backseat. I found myself walking around wearing the lanyard across my body, the same way my mum wears hers. No shade to my mum, or other lanyard wearers, but the cross-body phone lanyard is definitely the gateway drug to the magnetic-flip-open-phone-case-cardholder situation. You know the one (your mum probably has one!!) And if you’re reading this newsletter, you’re probably abreast of how vain and superficial I am when it comes to matters of style.

Sometimes I’d catch myself with my lanyard worn casually over my shoulder, and quickly wrap it once, twice, thrice around my wrist - as if that made it any better! The thing was functional, cumbersome and drab. I began brainstorming what I could replace it with - I had some spare lengths of chain lying around from a half-baked denim customisation project, but was worried about it being too thin, leading to potential injury if someone tried to swipe my phone from a speeding motorbike.

lanyard acrobatics

One day, I slung my lanyard across my body (see?) and headed out for a walk. Meandering through East London, I happened across a shop called Store Projects, an elegant spot that stood out thanks to its immaculate curation of clever and artful objects.

closed when I took this photo, but this is the shop’s facade on Church Street, Stoke Newington. I love the Ecobirdy recycled plastic chair in the window

A delicious glass bowl from Ursula Futura reminded me of the giant glass lozenges by artist Roni Horn that I’d seen at the Louisiana Contemporary in Copenhagen recently. There was a witty loo roll holder from artist James Shaw, whose pieces look like they’re made from squidgy material squeezed out of a tube. I spotted my friend Sari’s jewellery brand, Rathel + Wolf, alongside some sexy brushed steel plates by Stine Keinicke.

mmmm delicious

They say necessity is the mother of invention. Perhaps what that’s come to mean in our capitalist age is that if you need something, go buy it. But in my experience, shopping for the perfect thing is a weird and circuitous process of needing the thing, manifesting your desire into the universe with a strong thought (eg. I REALLY GOTTA UPGRADE THIS LANYARD), and then forgetting the mission altogether. That’s when the best finds really strike.

Idly perusing the store, the magic happened.

I saw them, lying across one of the shelves. Two stout, colourful snakes with a clip on either end; the perfect little wrist straps made from climbing ropes. They were thick, tactile and fun. Practical, but in a cool way. Speaking of which, I figured they’d go well with my crazy new shoes. And only £25! I could barely whip my card out fast enough.

At home, I threaded out the generic lanyard and clipped on my new friend. Immediately, my phone smiled back at me. ‘Go on, watch a few more TikToks,’ the black mirror seemed to say. ‘See if those phone snatchers will scare you now!’

A little research into the brand revealed that it’s called KSFW ie. ‘Knot Safe For Work’, and they’re made by a production and set designer called Dale Slater. They remind me a bit of the RE-COMB hair accessories I covered earlier this year - another talented industry creative making fun bits on the side.

In Christianity, they refer to dates as BC and AD. The line in the sand of my summer is drawn with a thick, multicoloured rope handle, one which is now attached to my phone. Before Cool and After Discovery. In July, I was paranoid and practical, in August I was reborn. (Still paranoid, but with good accessories.)

the new me

Contrary to the brand name, I’ve had many people both inside and outside of work ask me about the handle, snapping pictures and jotting down the details to order one for themselves. Last weekend I went to a festival, and the strap became a handbag. I’d clip my keys onto it and wander round, knowing I had everything I needed in the palm of my hand. I can’t quite slip it over my shoulder (nobody wants an iPhone in their pit), but I do love hanging it off the handlebars of a Lime bike, watching my phone flutter perilously in the wind as I zoom along. It’s so satisfying to grab it out of my bag, or dangle it on my wrist when I need my hands for something else.

I know brat summer is over, but surely this kind of thrill seeking is what Charli meant?

I always have trouble dressing for summer - I seek comfort in the oversized layers and thick textures of autumn/ winter dressing, and still haven’t quite figured out how to make a ‘look’ when those elements are stripped away. I usually spend most of the season in cycling shorts and an oversized t-shirt, or a Hanes kidswear tank. Accessories are the only way I can win - this summer that meant my Santangelo waist chain, my Vibram FiveFingers, and now my very suitable for work, play and everywhere else phone strap.

And if I still end up getting my phone snatched, it’s probably karma for being rude about my mum.

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Threads of the week

Actual footage of me writing to you this morning. The cotton kimono was purchased by my grandmother on a trip to Tokyo in the 90s. I don’t think she ever wore it, but I adopted it as a chic outfit for rolling around the house. The barb cushions are from Shy Talaga and the the pink cushion was handmade by this graphic designer. Even though I often dress in black, I like my home to be really bright and cheerful. My favourite book from the stack is probably Afro Surf or the Ren Hang anthology.

Loose Threads

My toes made the paper… catch me talking about the FiveFinger shoe trend in the Sydney Morning Herald this week.

The most original tribute to the late Gaetano Pesce!

Puppets and Puppets got a new logo. It’s by Special Offer Inc., who also did the design for br*t.

Yinka Ilori’s work is so joyful - so happy to see him getting the recognition he deserves.

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